so i entered a weekly writing competition at RM.. I competed alot in AR, but this is my first time competing in RM, so no one there really knows of me… anyways, last week i was projected to lose, because i was matched up against someone pretty good, but i won. so with a 1-0 record, i find myself ranked #4 in the league and now i’m up against someone REALLY good… and this is going to be for championship contention, meaning if i win i go up against the champ, who’s held it down for a number of weeks now (if he doesn’t lose this week, that is).

anyways, here’s my verse for last week. the topic was “destroy to rebuild” so i put a spin on it and made it about an unwillingness to destroy preventing a something from being rebuilt. and no, it’s not a true story haha

Long Distant Relative

This is to a woman that birthed me…

So where’s the bottleneck that’s clogging our relationship?
We could point appendages or bandage it ‘til the adhesive slips
And reveal this festering torment that’s inside of each of us
Then we’ll have to amputate each other out of all of us…

Because you’re not willing to admit that you’re the problem
You say it’s all inside my head like you entered into saintdom
Well… I’ve engrained all you did on my brain with a dead Sharpie
You wonder why the distance? It’s my defense for your treachery

Remember when you dragged me across the carpeting by my ankles?
And beat me until I bled, all because I hesitated to hug you?
I was eight, that’s your mistake, how dare you act like it didn’t happen
You tried to tell me I remembered it wrong, but these scars have perfect vision

You’re unwilling to take the fall, so we fall far from unconditionally
Rapidly spiraling, oxygen gasping, love drowning, straw grasping
Forget it – ‘cause its rocket science when we interact
Hard to understand, whose fork in hand, sent us on our parting paths

Remember when I’d play guitar with tennis rackets and you would sing along?
When you’d bring me all these toys ‘til there was no space to place them on?
I was one, I was your son, now that image is shattered in its frame
You try to talk of changes… but you estranged us…

[years later]
It’s been years since I’ve seen you, it’s so hard come to terms…
That something inside me yearns to see this separation burn…

Is it too late for us?… The pursuit too dangerous?…
This isn’t what was dreamed of us, two strangers that blood lineage cuffed
These glimpses of better days, they resuscitate me persistently
While hourglasses choke to death on grains, slow and peacefully

You want to make amends… and I’m open to some mending…
But you need to admit your actions and my pride could use some swallowing
Maybe it wasn’t your fault entirely, I wasn’t the easiest kid to raise
Afraid of being a bad mother, constantly demonized by me

What we need is vulnerability, deconstruction of these walls
Israelites encircling, drowning out our fights with trumpet calls
But after all these years, to admit that I made contributions…
To this wreckage… I can’t salvage… my pride from that confession…

So I guess we’ll live our lives threading the needles of our securities…
I can’t give up the one thing I have for a chance at what we wish we’d been…